Transitioning to College Pt. 3

This is the third and final part of my series on transitioning to college. If you haven’t read part one or two, you can find them here (Part 1 and Part 2). Today, I want to cover my social transition, specifically how I found and made community within the various Jewish organizations here at Binghamton.

For context, I want to share what I see as the biggest drawback of Binghamton: its size. When I was looking at universities, I was worried about the social transition. A small university felt less overwhelming but limited my social opportunities. A large university was more overwhelming but allowed me to explore niche social spaces. So, I aimed for a medium-size university. All of the schools I applied to had between five to ten thousand students, except for Binghamton. When I chose Binghamton, the overwhelming size of the school became my largest challenge, and I was worried if I’d find my place with so many people.

The solution was to discover niche spaces. Student organizations and Jewish life were the most appealing choices. Surprisingly, though, I never really gelled with any student organizations. Maybe my interests didn’t align, or perhaps the times and locations just couldn’t work for me. I quickly discovered that I wanted to lean more heavily on the Jewish life. This doesn’t mean I am totally disengaged. I am active in SSD (Services for Students with Disabilities), and I am also a member of my residential hall’s student government. But when it came to clubs, I just didn’t join. They didn’t pique my interest, and I wanted to have a more narrow focus.

I quickly hit my first hurdle. I simply couldn’t do everything. There were half a dozen Jewish organizations to choose from, often overlapping in scope.Students like to split their time among them, so it wasn’t as straightforward as choosing one. Each organization had their own demographic and vibe, and I realized I didn’t cleanly fit into any of them. I struggled to find the right level of observance or size - some were too religious or secular, others too big or small. I had to embrace the notion of an imperfect fit and the challenge of pushing my own boundaries. I needed to rethink the idea of a  normative Jewish experience” at Binghamton. 

With that in mind, let’s explore what Jewish Binghamton has to offer. I am not going to be comprehensive in my analysis, as I am only covering what I, personally, have engaged with. 

Let’s start with Chabad. This is by far the largest organization, with hundreds of members and a large staff. This means plenty of opportunities: there are social events like the Mega Challah Bake or classes like from Supper and Study every weekday. Chabad also boasts a spacious building, including a large kitchen, a shul/bet midrash and various lounges to study in. But, the magic happens on Shabbat, when hundreds of students gather for meals, zmirot and community. Despite the crowd, I still feel at home.

JLIC, on the other hand, is the opposite - it aims to feel small. Rav Jared and Sarit, the JLIC couple, open up their home to students for all sorts of occasions. Like Chabad, they offer social and study opportunities, albeit less often and with a smaller crowd. JLIC also emphasizes feeling “at home” with home-cooked kiddush and intimate services. Sometimes, like during Kabbalat Shabbat, it can get crowded, but oftentimes, it can feel quite intimate. I have grown especially fond of the Anstandig family themselves, who’ve become people I can trust and turn to if need be.

Then there’s Hillel. Out of the three, it’s the one I’m least involved with. They were the first to welcome me to campus; I attended several of their welcome week events. Like Chabad, they also host a lot of events. However, these events tend to be more informal, may involve outside speakers and almost always take place on-campus rather than an offsite location. I’ve gone to a few and they’ve been wonderful. However, my friends tend to gravitate more towards Chabad and JLIC, meaning I don’t go to Hillel as much as these other spaces. This means, for example I don’t go to Hillel’s Shabbat dinners. Even so, Hillel remains an organization I can turn to for various opportunities to fill my time or engage with others. 

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So how do I balance it all? I take a dynamic approach. Instead of committing exclusively to one organization over another, I decided to embrace the differences between each organization, splitting my time between them. In a given week, I might hang out at Hillel’s Aroma Café on a Wednesday, go to JLIC Mishmar on a Thursday, and wrap the week up with a hearty dinner at Chabad. I also engage with the Judaic Studies departments whose events: guest speakers, pizza discussions and policy roundtables allow me to mix my academic interests with my social life. These experiences also allow me to engage with professors in a low-pressure environment.

Underlying this approach is a commitment to communication and flexibility. Every day is different. One Shabbat, dozens of families came to spend a shabbaton at the small JLIC house, forcing me to shift my game plan. I decided to take Shabbat off, still going to communal meals, but giving myself extra time to rest and reflect. Being clear with myself and others is key I’m part of a community that does its best but needs time to adjust to my needs. Just take the Chabad Mega Challah Bake. It was an overwhelming event and I had no idea what to expect. While it didn’t work for me this year, in the process, I found ways to make the event more inclusive for next year. I proposed a simultaneous, smaller bake at the Chabad House, rather than on campus. This was embraced by Chabad staff. I turned a difficult experience into a future collaboration.

Looking ahead, I’ll keep adapting my Binghamton Jewish experience. I’m still learning the quirks of the complex community, developing new strategies, building new connections and embracing change. I’ll conclude this blog (and series) by sharing a general approach I have taken here at college. I have to balance many buckets - academics, advocacy work, social life, spiritual health and downtime. It’s not easy. My main strategy is to take one day at a time. Each day leans a certain way. Shabbat is more social and spiritual. Sunday is for downtime and academics. Wednesdays are focused on advocacy and meetings. As I wrap up this semester, I can already see a completely new experience in the spring. I am ready, but also not, for the challenges that come ahead - which will push me to be even better on all of my fronts.