Transitioning to College Pt. 2

Note: This blog contains footnotes. You can find them at the end of the blog.

This is the second part of my series on transitioning to college. If you didn’t read part one, you can find it here. Today, I want to cover how I adapted to living independently, specifically, the challenge of creating my own schedule. 

Before classes began, I had to determine how I would fill my time during move-in weekend. Since I had moved in early, there wasn’t much to do. My options were limited, so I focused on engaging with the Jewish community. I’ll talk more about that in my next blog, but what I noticed is that small nuggets of engagement were incredibly helpful. On the first night, I noticed some mutual friends. While these students didn’t become my closest friends, they, and many others, helped provide a friendly face. Having a hundred or so people whose faces or names I recognized made me less alone. This was a core part of my early strategy. Every meal I ate in the dining hall became a chance to meet and talk to people. It didn’t matter that most of them wouldn’t end up being my closest friends. What mattered is that they became reliable, friendly faces.

During this move-in week, I also joined a discussion with my CP, John Starks (1). The topic was on loneliness, and it helped put my strategy into perspective. Loneliness is not about the number of interactions, it’s about the quality of them. I could text 10 random strangers on my floor, but that wouldn’t decrease my loneliness. But, a short and impactful discussion with a friend over lunch would. This realization led me to doubling-down on this approach: of seeking meaningful interactions. 

Part of this involved participating in weekly activities. On Sundays, I attend my NCC (2) meeting, where I serve as my hall’s Academic Vice President. On Mondays, I attend a class on Megillat Ruth. On Tuesdays, I visit my professors’ office hours. Every Wednesday I’d go to Chabad’s Supper and Study, where I study the weekly Parsha with one of my new friends. On Thursdays, I join friends from the SSD department for lunch. On Fridays and Saturdays, I attended Shabbat Services and meals. These activities are flexible, but regular, giving structure to my week. In between, I find other ways to engage with peers: I attend pop-up events, watch sport games and participate in impromptu minyans, and, of course, I sit down with different people at meals.

I also made sure to include consistent independent work hours. I wanted to avoid doing homework late at night or at the last minute; so, I assigned myself work hours after each of my classes (3). Instead of working in my room, where I might become distracted, I usually work outside or in my dining hall’s lounge area. Sometimes my friends will join me, which makes studying both social and productive.

Having freedom comes with challenges. Beyond remembering to do the laundry, brushing my teeth or taking a shower, I also have to budget my time. This hasn’t been easy. At the beginning of the semester, I woke up two hours before my morning classes; I’ve learned that I only need 45 minutes. I’ve also had to decide what I need to carry with me. I carry my sensory kit (4)  everywhere I go and they help me respond to overloads. 

I’ve also needed to fight complacency. It can be difficult, especially after a long day, to drag myself to class. After Rosh Hashanah, for example, my bus arrived late. I only got four hours of sleep. It would have been easy to skip my 8AM class, - but I went anyway. I am limiting myself to holidays and cases of emergency. Even though this is tough, my consistency is resulting in good grades and high engagement. I can already tell this will pay off.

While I was developing my own routine and making friends, being away from home posed unique mental health challenges. I missed home-cooked meals. I was excluded from the privilege of a face-to-face family conversation. Most of all, I didn’t get to snuggle with my dogs. I worked hard on solutions. I talk to my mom every day which keeps our relationship open and strong. I also stay in touch with grandparents, aunts, uncles and family friends, and my high school friends. 

Having my own space also helps. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I know I can go to a space attuned to my needs, loaded with snacks and comfort. At night, I fall asleep looking at the many pictures on my wall or cuddling with a custom pillow of my dogs. My mental health challenges aren’t over. There are still days when I feel lonely, overwhelmed or stressed. But, now that I am over a month in, I know I’ll get through it. I focus on taking things one day at a time and being flexible. 

Next blog, I’ll continue talking on my college transition, focusing on how I’ve found my place in the Jewish community at Binghamton.

Footnotes

1. At Binghamton, a CP (Collegiate Professor) is a professor assigned to a living community. They engage with residents on social, academic, and mental health topics. My CP, John Starks, is wonderful and is a professor of Ancient Mediterranean studies. 

2. The Newing College Council is the student government branch of my living community.

3. For reference, each day I have a morning and afternoon class.

4. My sensory kit includes Loop earplugs and Xanax.